this morning feels like the end of a story...
the past several weeks have been so unordinary... the weather, the season, Chris home... I'm honesty still trying to sort it all out.
When we celebrated Christmas (finally) with Mike's famiy on New Years Day all his sisters, and mom L O V E D being stuck at home. I did not. I just could never really settle in. I think it was primarily the lack of independence... the fact that I couldn't hop in the car and be/do what I wanted... as I write that I think of Heather in South Africa who has the challenge/priviledge to live in a culture where some of their freedom is quite limited for a good cause, a real reason. How silly my musings are in light of eternity...
Last night at the Christmas (in January) concert, as the snow was falling again, Jill talked about seizing moments... this hit me hard.
I wonder if I wasted some moments. I'm sure I did... as I entered Chris' room this morning to look for the left behind cell charger, I'm very aware he's gone again and I wouldn't mind if he was here, being tripped over in the kitchen again... on the other hand, as he reminded me several times this visit, he is a man now. And in so many ways he is. He is independent, thoughtful, capable and pretty self-sufficient. It's always interesting when he comes home, as it changes the dynamic in our house and shines a light on some of the ways that we've found a new normal, some good, some not so.
I've been forced to slow down. Yes, forced. People who know and love me wish I would do this on my own. But I don't. The past three weeks though has allowed me the opportunity to take stock, to pay attention and it's not been easy nor does it feel good. In fact, there's alot that doesn't feel good. Friends hurting. Relationships that need to change/heal. Ugly in me. Lots for God and I to work on in the new year.
One thing about being home was I did a ton of cooking! One night at Chris' suggestion we tried making Chicken Tikka Masala. It turned out that it was on the night Zena was coming over for dinner. Which was fun because 1- she likes Indian food and 2- took some pressure off... because she's very tolerant of my cooking. It tasted better than it looks. It was great to reconnect with Z... she's family and we haven't seen her in TOO long!