Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Parents are People Too

It’s that time of year… lots of friends are sending kids away to college. Several of my closest friends are emptying their nest.
A friend posted this on their facebook status today: I want my kids to grow up and be independent and I don't want my kids to grow up and be independent! (Annie Salness)
I can relate… (AND I’m relishing coming home each night and giving Molly a kiss on the forehead because she chose NOT to go to college this fall).

I wonder what my friends are going to do with their new redefined life? Now that they, like their children, are grown up and independent, in their own way.
And, the closer our nest gets to empty, the more I start to look at myself and see what else, if anything, I’ve got going on in my life.

Add to that some conversations with Molly over the past few days. Adult conversations. About real life. About me as an individual. A person who has made decisions, some good some bad.
And a trip next week to go visit my mother.
This will be my first time spending extended time with her as an individual, without my Dad, who passed away 15 months ago.
They were such a pair, a couple. Parents.

And I realize if I want Molly to know me as a person, not just her Mom, I have to be willing to know my Mom as Louise.
Grown up and independent.
As I want her to know me.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Toes back in the water...

Last week when my blog was mentioned from the platform in church I realized I dont do this anymore. I wondered why. I dont even read others' blogs anymore.
I've blamed it on other social media things like twitter and facebook, they are convenient.

Yes, I twitter. Nothing worth following but I like knowing what my friends are doing and generally blurting out random thoughts, so it works for me. I dont follow many people and have no idea why anyone would follow me.

Yes, I facebook. I like this alot. Not because it's replaced real relationships but because it's helped me connect and develop relationships with people I wouldn't find or make time for otherwise. Oh and I love pictures.

But recently, I've become more and more aware of some things.
I've laughed at the quick wit, creativity and humor and at times envied others, Josh Higginbotham, if you must know. He just eats and plays well.
And, I've wondered if I could ever type as fast as Erika Lee.
I've hurt people by not responding or reaching out.
I've hurt people by not reading for a day and missing something important to them.
I've been there, I've expected others would know things about me, because I'd posted it.
And, I've been hurt by things I have seen and read.

I wonder if the accessibility makes us more inclusive or further publicizes even unintended exclusivity?

I dont have answers, but I do know that I am more carefree/careless those two places than I am when I blog. And frankly, my life isn't that carefree nor do I wish to be careless.
Maybe that's it... 140 characters is way to small of a glimpse in to a life.
My life is messy right now.
My community is messy right now.
The people I am closest to are in many cases deeply hurting or in life transition. I am affected by this, so it's been more difficult to write when so much of my story this year hasn't only been mine.
And, I am messy right now.

I am more aware the power of words/thoughts, blogging comes from a deeper place for me, and is risky. But, if I am honest, I miss slowing down to think outloud here.

So, thank you Barb Feil for encouraging me to do my random stream of consciousness thing again... i think i'll put my toes back in the water.