Monday, September 14, 2009
Toes back in the water...
Last week when my blog was mentioned from the platform in church I realized I dont do this anymore. I wondered why. I dont even read others' blogs anymore.
I've blamed it on other social media things like twitter and facebook, they are convenient.
Yes, I twitter. Nothing worth following but I like knowing what my friends are doing and generally blurting out random thoughts, so it works for me. I dont follow many people and have no idea why anyone would follow me.
Yes, I facebook. I like this alot. Not because it's replaced real relationships but because it's helped me connect and develop relationships with people I wouldn't find or make time for otherwise. Oh and I love pictures.
But recently, I've become more and more aware of some things.
I've laughed at the quick wit, creativity and humor and at times envied others, Josh Higginbotham, if you must know. He just eats and plays well.
And, I've wondered if I could ever type as fast as Erika Lee.
I've hurt people by not responding or reaching out.
I've hurt people by not reading for a day and missing something important to them.
I've been there, I've expected others would know things about me, because I'd posted it.
And, I've been hurt by things I have seen and read.
I wonder if the accessibility makes us more inclusive or further publicizes even unintended exclusivity?
I dont have answers, but I do know that I am more carefree/careless those two places than I am when I blog. And frankly, my life isn't that carefree nor do I wish to be careless.
Maybe that's it... 140 characters is way to small of a glimpse in to a life.
My life is messy right now.
My community is messy right now.
The people I am closest to are in many cases deeply hurting or in life transition. I am affected by this, so it's been more difficult to write when so much of my story this year hasn't only been mine.
And, I am messy right now.
I am more aware the power of words/thoughts, blogging comes from a deeper place for me, and is risky. But, if I am honest, I miss slowing down to think outloud here.
So, thank you Barb Feil for encouraging me to do my random stream of consciousness thing again... i think i'll put my toes back in the water.