Been feeling pretty dry on the blog front lately... not keeping up well with communication/relationships in general. Feel alot like I'm going through the motions of life, zipping through hallways so I don't have to talk to anyone, living for my pillow and the numbness of sleep.
Had a good conversation with someone yesterday.
I tried the easy excuses but they didn't stick.
And then we got down to it.
I'm afraid. Afraid I can't make something happen. Afraid I can't fix something. Afraid I'm not enough. Afraid of feeling alone in a crowd. Afraid of making old mistakes. Afraid.
It's so easy to see when I write it that I'm pretty much all about me and my mortality today and who wouldn't find that scary????
So, today I'm putting my "scary" list back in God's hands.
Workload
Leading Well
Finances
Hurting Family
Hurting Friends
Do you ever get funky? How do you get out of it?
7 comments:
i read a book...take a day off of doing stuff...take a nap...spend time with family.
of course, i can't do all those at once.
Sometimes I get totally overwhelmed with fear and doubt and then realize that all of my worries are so small compared to things other people are experiencing. I think, will this matter in a month? In a year? Lately I've been dealing with several people who are dying and I think, wow. My junk is NOTHING compared to this. When I put it in to a frame like that, life or death, I realize that nothing is worth losing sleep over. Except loved ones. And even when you go dark and avoid people for awhile, I think they understand because we ALL do that at times. I am never hurt if I don't hear from someone for awhile - in fact that's when I know I need to be praying for them even MORE... because they're probably going through a tough time.
Missed you yesterday!
Thanks Jos and Tyler- today was a good refuel day, spent time with family and friends, feeling far less funky :-)
Felt like I could have written the same post. I am certain it resonates with a lot of people. I found myself ducking quickly around the aisle to avoid a friend at Target, simply because I did not have the time to chat a bit. How lame is that?
Almost ditched a time with friends, because it takes so much effort to cover my duties by someone else. It was also out of fear of feeling like I'd feel more like crying, to be around everyone else, all seeming so happy. Again, lame. I kicked myself out the door to be with friends.
When I'm in a funk, I find that I have to make the effort to get out there and do something that picks up my spirits. I can't wait for a friend to call me. I have to call someone up and plan an adventure. Going on a walk, getting ice cream or watching a movie. Either that or take a nap. Usually I get "funky" cause I'm tired.
I regularly visit a number of elderly friends who have no family near by. I take them to dinner or just visit 45 minutes in their home. Caring for people who genuinely appreciate your time spent with them is healing to them and myself. I visit a girlfriend who is 52 and in an alzheimers care home. Perspective on life in general is easier to understand after that.
JRupp
Bad funk: When you experience it once in a while, it does suck, but after a while, you develop a sense of numbness (kinda like exercise, after a while you're in the zone), then you don't feel the funk anymore. I try to think happy thoughts about my parents, good food, good drink, good movie, good drink, go for a walk, and a good drink. Christian friends/prayers/...we'll need a whole entire different blog to cover my comments on this :)
Good funky...do you remember, the very first time I played for Sunset, you wrote a comment in the 'what works and what doesn't: "Yonas is suprisingly funky" I haven't had any comment that could top that ever since :)
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